Encountering Jesus -face to face.
In writing this testimony my sole intention is to communicate plainly the very real change that Jesus performed in my life.
Growing up I never was subject to religious views or beliefs being pushed upon me. I attended church only twice, once at the age of 6 for my grandfather’s funeral, which I recall laying my hands on his coffin. And when I was 8, I was a ring-bearer in my Uncle David’s wedding. The first twenty years of my life I did not know the Lord, but I can assure you I was searching. Based off journal entries that I myself have read, I was a teen that was pissed off and resentful towards whatever “God” had done this to me. Not knowing His name or what He was all about, I continued in my anger towards Him, holding Him accountable for every bad thing that happened in my life. I hated God. I hated that He never answered me.
I had been drinking for a week straight in Northern Michigan with friends from the University of Florida. One night, I went off, crazier than usual. After informing everyone I was going to kill myself and becoming increasingly more belligerent I found myself outside in a blizzard (we were on Lake Michigan mind you). Now, I was outside in the blizzard for a solid twenty minutes without shoes on. The snow was nearly three feet deep at the time.
The following one way conversation with the sky ensued.
Please do NOT repeat the following:
“If you are such a great F****** God, and care so much about your f****** creation, and f****** know us so well, then show your f****** self to me!
Early Friday morning, March 12, 2004
9 AM.
While driving home I began to weep, bitterly. I remember having such a hard time seeing the road because my eyes were clouded and streaming with tears. I had a feeling of regret and deep pain, that I had done something absolutely horrible, as if murder, even worse.
I kept a rosary wrapped around the shifter of my jeep. It was only there to safeguard me from being pulled over. This time, I saw it, wrapped it around my hand and began asking for forgiveness…I didn’t know what I was doing. Pure clown.
Following, I began to phone those in my life that were affiliated with the church, so I first rang my best friend at the time, followed by my Grandmother. I was informed she had been praying for me everyday since the day I was born. I didn’t know what it meant, but that statement hit me. In a way that I can’t explain still to this day. It just hit me.
Arriving home, I found my mother vacuuming. She freaked out due to my face and how swelled up it was from all the weeping I had partaken in, but she didn’t know that. “What’s wrong?” She asked. I replied, “Nothing, just can’t talk right now.” I left the room and ran down the stairs to our basement and laid down on a fold out cot.
This dream I share has eternally altered my life’s journey. This dream seemed completely real. The power that lies behind it is still my driving force to this day, nearly five years later.
I stood in a large, open area. Atop a white marble staircase, and someone was with me, I could never see this person but He was guiding me throughout the whole time. There were a lot of people in this area. I remember thinking to myself…”Why be here?” Continuing on, I was led down the staircase and into the first room and further into that room there was an inner room and once we arrived I asked myself the question “What are we doing here?” Gradually, more and more people continued to make there way in until the room was to the point where it began to remind me of a rave club…simply put, it was packed. I became increasingly aggravated and asked the Helper “Ok, why am I here?” He replied, “Someone in this room is going to be chosen and it’s only going to be one of you.” I recall thinking to myself “Great. I have never been chosen for anything, or won anything.” No sooner had I thought that there stood at the entrance to the room a man dressed in black and behind him were two men dressed in white. They all carried a white aura, or light around them. The man standing front and center commanded the utmost authority. His face was like that of the sun shining in all of its strength.
When he entered the room everyone froze, and focused their attention on Him, and Him alone. Time stood still. A quiet calm crept over the room. Passing through the multitudes, He approached me, people filing out the way, creating a path. He spoke to me not verbally, but in my mind and He said to me “You are the only one in this room that can do what I need done, and I knew it was you because of your shoes.” Looking down at my shoes (both feet) and there was writing on them; two sentences in a different language on the ends of my shoes. He continued, “If you are going to do what I need done, I need you to Follow Me.” The best way I can explain what happened next is that there was no word “no.” It didn’t exist. And there was nothing else other to do than follow this man. Immediately, I agreed.
And as soon as I had agreed to follow him the room broke and everyone left, including the two figures in white that had come in with him, until it was just He and I in the room alone. He turned and started walking and I proceeded to follow him. And as soon as He and I were outside the room where we had met I felt as if I was on a people mover. On the right side of me were my friends drinking, and being idiots, and on the left side were women, doing there women things…, both sides were urging me to join them, and the more I kept saying “NO! I have to stay with this man, I must follow him!” the more difficult it became to follow Him. I recall as they were motioning to me, I would have to stop to say “no”, and He would get ahead of me little by little. Until I got to the end of this trial and a girl came up and began to kiss me as well as hug me, restraining me from following Him anymore. I had to shove her off of me and scream at her “I have to stay with Him!” Looking forward, He had rounded a corner, and for the first time I couldn’t see Him any longer. I rounded the corner and came upon a wide-open room, well lit, with the exception of a dark corner. In this corner a man stood, and I made my way up to him and asked, “Did you just see the Man who came around this corner, do you know where He went?” he replied, “There is no Man.”
Prior to having this encounter, I had never opened the bible and as you know, neither did I attend a church service. No one had ever shared their faith with me, and I did not at all know who Jesus was. At the age of nineteen, my life took a drastic turn due to this dream. I felt led to call my cousin Charlie, dialogued with him and confessed that I desired to know Jesus Christ, who He was, and what He was able to offer me. Since making the commitment in my heart life hasn’t become easier, the exact opposite actually. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. And the truth is we ALL need a Savior, Christ Jesus.
It took me three years, of drinking, sleeping around, popping, smoking, snorting various drugs to realize that they had nothing to offer me. In participating in these activities, it only offered me a passing happiness turns out. Or at least what I thought was happiness, wasn’t even happiness at all. Because in the long run, all drunkenness, sex, and being high offered me was sorrow and self condemnation. I cannot speak for all people. I am able only to testify concerning myself.
Friends, what gain do I have in writing this to you today? So you can say; Look at the change in Steve? No. What is my gain in traveling about the globe and proclaiming the Good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ? My own entertainment? No. I share this story, this Good News today as long as it is called “today” because the change, the relationship with Jesus is available to all; not one is excluded. He stands at the door and knocks, everyday. Are you ready to finally let Him in? I give you my word, brothers and sister’s alike, you will NEVER regret allowing Him in. But YOU have to allow Him in; otherwise you wouldn’t have a CHOICE would you? I pray, “If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear.”
